Drinking The World

Wednesday at Tales was especially for the professional bartender, manager, and owner. The Pro-Series seminars were all focused on trends, what it's actually like to run a bar and how, consulting from both sides of the story, bartending techniques, ingredients, efficiency and speed, etc.

I started out the day early. I went to bed relatively early the night before, but as I mentioned yesterday, for some reason slept very poorly and was up at 4am. For a few days I had felt a need to go shopping for a seersucker suit and hat, so bright and early I was out and about. Of course I forgot I was in the Big Easy, a perfect description for a city where the stores open at 10am, if they even open on Mondays and Tuesdays. As I was hanging out waiting for the shops to open, John Pomeroy came along striding briskly past shooting off a quick "Hi Jon." He too was on a search for a hat. I followed him around the corner to the hat shop and we looked at all the ones on display in the windows, talking about the pro's and con's of each as we waited for opening time. We then decided to take a walk down by the French market figuring that by the time we got there the other hat store would be open. So off we trotted in the heat and humidity, feeling great as we sweated out all the toxins from the night before. It was like being at a spa, on a treadmill, in the sauna. Just delightful if I must say.

Follow up:

We got to the hat shop only to not only find it closed, but with no sign showing hours. I noticed other stores in the area were closed on Monday and Tuesday, and assumed the same. We then made our way back to the first store, but by then things at Tales had started to pick up and we marched in to the Hotel Monteleone to dive in to the day.

I headed up to the Swag Speakeasy Parlor with my Golden Key that I had gotten at check-in. Soon I felt like a kid in a candy store with an unlimited budget. It was like a cross between Trick-or-Treat on Halloween and Christmas. As I went in the door you were handed a shopping bag and I was off! A dozen sample bottles, mini and larger of spirits. Tequila and mescal, rum, vodka, gin, liqueurs, etc. Fancy and very well made bar tools like hawthorne strainers, bar spoons and muddlers, shakers, and assorted gadgets. Various bitters, syrups, cocktail mixes, and more. Bags, t-shirts, hats, posters, glasses, misters, hangover remedies, playing cards, snacks, cholives, and tons of other stuff. After filling my almost bottomless bag I realized that some of these things would be almost inmpossible to take home and I actually took some things back out.

The bag still weighed a ton, so I decided to head back to my hotel to drop it off and since I was still all sweaty I tookaa shower and changed my clothes. Afterwards, on my way back to the Monteleone I decided to stop by the clothes store to look at suits. Of course they didn't have any 48 longs, which was a shame since they had some beautiful seersuckers on sale at a fantastic price. I went off to check a few other shops and was on my way back to the Monteleone when the clouds burst open and a torrential rain. Like Forrest Gump said, "Rain that flew in sideways. And sometimes rain even seemed to come straight up from underneath." That's what I went through. I pulled my umbrella out of my bag but it was useless. The rain was so heavy that it just bounced up off the sidewalk right up into my face. I was completely drenched with less than a minute, and the water was so deep in the streets that as cars and trucks drove by waves of waist high muddy water was constantly thrown over me.

So off I trudged, back to my hotel, to shower and change again. Here it was, not even noon, and I was on my third shower and change of clothes of the day. By now I was in need of sutenance, and maybe a cocktail, so I headed back to the Monteleone, again. It's only three blocks away, but halfway there the clouds opened up, again. My umbrella was useless, again. I was getting pretty damn sick of this, as I walked in to Tales looking like a drowned rat.

The first thing I did was head straight to the Sntory tasting room. Gardner Dunn tossed me a Yamazaki Single Malt Whiskey T-shirt as a way to say hi, and I immediately felt a tiny bit better. Nothing perks you up like nice schwag! (Schwag is the better version of swag) I then camped out next to the complimentary sushi bar and filled up on sushi and sashimi cut to order. When I was almost stuffed I took a lat order of sashimi with me and went out into the hall and plopped down on a couch to finish my lunch. At least a dozen people walked by that I met last year at tales. Each one calling out hi, but only one in three got my name right. And I thought I was distinctive. Oh well.

A few minutes later my friend Vanessa Polk grabbed me by the hand and dragged my off to her Ron Zacapa tasting room where she thrust a nice glass full of the 23 year old in my hand. Now that's what friends are for, making sure you always have a glass of excellent booze in your hand after a tumultuous morning.

I made my way up to my first seminar. I had just been asked to write an article about it by my friend Francine editor of Food & Beverage Magazine, so I was raring to go. As I sat down my phone buzzed and I noticed I had four messages on voice mail. It is impossible to get cell reception in the Monteleone so I had to grab my stuff and go outside and make my check my messages in th heat and humidity. But first I had to wait for the fog to clear off my glasses. My sister had left several panicky messages, but didn't actually say anything except to call ASAP and something about how my parents were OK. well, you can imagine all the dire thoughts that went through my mind as I called.

It seems that just before midnight the night before the skies in Yonkers, NY turned green, hail the size of golf balls crashed down, there was a flash flood, and a tornado! For the past ten years I have had an apartment that I built in the basement of my folks home. It is a great place and very handy or when I am in NY. The rent is cheap, and I keep a good 1/3 of my possessions there, including a lot of my most valuable antiques in my collection. I also have all my custom jackets, boots, and bespoke shirts and suits there; plus several good cameras and lenses, and much more. It seems that the apartment was underwater and totally flooded! Some of my things were salvageable, but it would takes days to see. As for the apartment itself, it was totaled and would have to be gutted. Walls, ceiling, everything would have to be torn out, including the studs, and rebuilt from top to bottom. I hope my umbrella policy covers floods.

The rest of the day is kind of vague to me. I went to a few events like the Clement Ti Punch Party, which was fun for th first ten minutes before the crowds thronged in and it was wall to wall inebriants. I was glad that I am friends with Ben Jones of Clement and had gotten there early so I could have a Ti Punch (pronounced Teee Paaunch) and some nice and spicy boudin balls to munch on. The crowd was so oppressive that I marched off to the next event at 6pm, the Beefeater Gin welcome reception at the Roosevelt hotel. This was a very large and very nice event with a sort of fantasy British Victorian theme to it. I was kind of depressed from the epic day and possibly had a cocktail or three. I was emotionally drained and kept flashing to thoughts of my ruined apartment. It really took the fun out of things. Around 9pm I headed to the Hendricks Burlesque, but it was actually kind of creepy, with weird performance artists in ghastly costumes with long tubular arms, and a woman whose waist was melded with a cocktail table and she slowly revolved and handed out drinks. The whole scene was actually disturbing, and after 20 minutes, with my mood already low, I headed back to my hotel to rest up a bit.

I got a bunch of texts, and was supposed to go to two more parties, but fell asleep and dreamed of my flooded apartment all night. I sure as hell hope that today is a much better day. It's the first full day of tales for me. Up to now has been the warm-up, practicing for the real deal. I have a lot planned, and it sounds fun. Four great seminars to attend. The Cointreau Massage room. Many spirit and cocktail tasting rooms. A VIP Cocktail Carnival. A spirited dinner at Bayona with my friends Junior and Heidi Merino. and to cap off the night Mischieve in the Garden of Agave party from 10pm-2am. (Personally I think it should be spelled Mischief, but that's their spelling.)

Catch Ya'll Latah Folks! Wish me luck.